


These Four Walls

by Verasteine



Category: EastEnders
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-02
Updated: 2009-10-02
Packaged: 2017-10-07 09:47:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/63924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Verasteine/pseuds/Verasteine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Guilt can keep you up at 3 a.m.</p>
            </blockquote>





	These Four Walls

**Author's Note:**

> Brand spanking new fandom, but I couldn't resist the shiny toys. Unbetaed.

It was the middle of the night, it always was, when he lay awake to stare at the ceiling. Maybe Ramadan had screwed with his sleep rhythm, but Syed doubted it, somehow. It didn't matter where he was, and that would have been strange if he wasn't sure that guilt could keep you awake anywhere.

At home, there was mostly silence and the occasional creak of a door or bed spring as someone turned over. Here at Christian's flat, it was the steady sound of breathing on the other end of the bed.

It certainly brought Syed's guilt to the forefront.

He blinked at the ceiling and all he got in reply was lights sweeping across as a car turned a corner in the night, outside.

"Sy..."

A nickname no one ever called him, but he'd never even wanted to correct Christian, not from the first moment he'd said it. Maybe that was because it was preferable to an endearment and its implications. Maybe it was because of the way Christian's voice shaped the diminutive, adding a layer that words couldn't. He turned his head to look at Christian's face in the dark. "Hmm?"

"I can hear you thinking," Christian said, voice sleep-rough and not particularly gentle. "And you've set that alarm for two hours from now, so go to sleep."

"Sorry." He turned back to staring at the ceiling, then consciously closed his eyes. Deep breathing should help. In, out, in, and out--

A light came on. He opened his eyes to see Christian, pushed up on one elbow, looking at him.

"What? I'm trying to sleep."

"I know." Christian's voice softened, and he scrubbed a hand through his short hair. "God, you're so amenable."

Syed sat up. "What does that mean? Just because I don't--"

Christian held up a hand. "Shit. Sorry. I'm sorry, okay?"

He looked at Christian, scruffy, hair mussed, utterly delectable and a problem all rolled into one. It was easy, between these four walls, so very easy. Because nothing had ever fit better, felt better, been-- He cut himself off. "Let's just get some rest."

Christian sighed. "Syed..."

When he turned over, his back to Christian, he felt a warm hand on his shoulder and a soft squeeze.

"Hey." The rustle of sheets as Christian shifted closer. "Hey..."

An arm around his waist, and he was pulled backwards. _Amenable._ "I know what you think," he said at last.

Christian's body was warm and close against his back, in a way that nothing ever had been before. He swallowed and pushed that thought down.

"Sy, I don't _know_." Christian's hand came up to brush his hair from his face. "Your family, your faith..."

"It's not easy. Not like you make it out to be." Syed twisted, dislodging Christian's grip and caress, looking over his shoulder at him.

"I know. I'm sorry, okay?" Christian gave him a soft look. "I just want it to be simpler."

"I know," Syed echoed. He sat up again, pulling his knees up under the duvet and resting his elbows on them. "But you don't understand."

Christian looked up at him, still lying down, and gave him a lopsided smile. "No," he said honestly, and Syed felt a brief flash of appreciation for his candour.

"I--" He cut himself off because he didn't know what to say. "You know I care, right?"

Christian snorted briefly before smiling again. "Yes, Sy, I know."

A warm hand slid over his lower back under the duvet, and Syed shivered without meaning to. Christian's thumb brushed softly over his skin.

"Cold?"

Syed shook his head and tried to find some way to organise his thoughts, to not be so easily distracted, to fight what was threatening to overwhelm.

His lack of response made Christian sit up also, reaching out to tilt Syed's face in his direction. "Hey. You okay?"

He nodded, breathing in deeply. When Christian started to withdraw his hand, Syed grabbed it and kissed his palm. "Christian--"

"Hmm?"

"I'm not amenable," Syed said, letting go of Christian's hand. "Not to everything. I just... It's too much, sometimes."

Christian shifted closer, using his free hand to brush back Syed's hair. "I know."

Syed kissed him, to avoid having to make the choice of fight or flight, light or dark, hanging on or letting go. Christian pulled him back down to the bed, under the warm covers, with only the small lamp on the nightstand as their witness.

It worked, between these four walls. For now.

\--  
_finis._


End file.
